It's OK to Want to Get Married!

It's OK to Want to Get Married!

I distinctly remember during my single years my need for companionship was not always met with support.  I would sometimes be encountered with statements like “what if you don’t get married” or “you have to learn to be happy on your own.” While on the surface and certainly to those making these statements no harm might have been intended, I assure you they were not encouraging.

Why #RachelLindsay the #Bachelorette had to let #Peter go and why you should let the Peter in your life go too

It was almost painful to watch when Peter was unable to give Rachel the commitment she wanted.  I was disappointed too because I must confess I liked Peter and he was perhaps my favorite in this process.  In prior episodes, I thought his caution showed sincerity and that it would resolve in time.  While I do appreciate his honesty, I have to agree with my husband who said, when we were discussing the show the day after, (he was forced to watch parts with me since he was in bed trying to sleep),  “he wants to have his cake and eat it too” and “he would never have married her”.

Although I had my doubts about Brian, Brian never had any doubts about Rachel and as I wrote in Love lessons from #RachelLindsay, #TheBachelorette , I fully believe and know that love can happen as fast as it appeared to happen for Brian. In looking at how the entire series unfolded I wouldn't be surprised if Rachel had stronger feelings for Peter throughout most of the process but she chose to give her heart to the man whom she believed was sure of the woman he wanted to marry and that was definitely her. So my advice to single women who want to be married, if you are dating a Peter you have to let him go.  When do you let him go? As soon as you find yourself continually wondering why he isn't ready whether or not you have the courage to ask.  Whenever he starts telling you he never wants to let you go but he isn't willing to commit to marriage. Because he won't let you go, at least not in a time that suits you.  He won't let you go until he has wasted months or even years of your life or not until he meets the real "one." The woman who he is willing to propose to, sometimes within weeks of meeting her, leaving you heartbroken and confused; sometimes shell-shocked and afraid to take a chance on love for months or even years. But if you let him go, maybe he will wake up and realize his mistake but even if he doesn't, you will be free.  Free to allow another man in your life; free to allow the right man into your life. The one who has no doubt that he wants to make you his wife. Yes, you may not be as fortunate as Rachel to have the proposal the next day but then again who knows.  

 

 

What's the Color of Love?

What's the Color of Love?

I recently read a popular article commenting on Serena’s selection of the man she has chosen to be the father of her first child and to be her husband.   The writer was disappointed in the selection based on race and the potential appearance of the child.  She was coming from a real place given the history of the exploitation of black women by white slave owners and concern that perhaps some of these celebrities who make such choices may have issues with self love or love of their own race.  

If Healthcare for Women is Compromised...

If Healthcare for Women is Compromised...

Last year, because of the Affordable Care Act I was able to provide essential preventative office healthcare for women. Some of the women had not had a pap smear for several years, and others never, due to lack of health insurance.  A few women required further intervention due to abnormalities diagnosed by screening but I knew they would be okay because it was discovered in time. If we hadn’t, it would be another story, a story I know too well.

Five Easy Ways to Lose or Maintain Your Weight Without Exercise

Five Easy Ways to Lose or Maintain Your Weight Without Exercise

If there is one topic of discussion that most women have in common it is the issue of weight and certainly for my generation, generation X, that conversation almost always centers around weight loss and weight loss goals. Today I am within 2 lbs of the weight that I was in my last year of college, more than twenty years ago, despite gaining thirty pounds in each of my two pregnancies. ...

What have I done to keep my weight off?

What Job Hunting Can Teach Us About Dating or Vice Versa

What Job Hunting Can Teach Us About Dating or Vice Versa

I have a number of people close to me who are actively job hunting so I am privy to some of the frustrations of the search, the multiple applications, the multiple interviews, the long wait for return calls, the uncertainty and the anxiety.  Given my interest in giving dating advice to women and my own personal journey to finally meeting my husband, I could not help but notice the similarities.

Multiple dates to find the right person, anxiety and uncertainty about when or if you would meet him, wondering if or when he will call again or if you should call again.

These are three lessons I learned from the dating game and job hunting and frankly you can use the advice interchangeably.

What Does Mother's Day Mean To You?

What Does Mother's Day Mean To You?

When I was leaving the hospital this mother’s day after a busy overnight shift I came across one of the hospital employees.  I see her regularly but have never interacted other than a polite greeting   I asked her if she was a mother and she said no.  She asked me the same I said I was and she wished me happy mother’s day.   Shortly after I asked the question though, I regretted the folly of it. It brought to mind the difficult day mother’s day is for many. 

Women, your stress may be killing you

I lost one of my favorite aunts in 2005. She was a beautiful 63-year-old woman who many would say looked younger than her years. She was slender, exercised regularly, never smoked, paid attention to healthy eating and was in a happy marriage for 40 years at the time of her death. She died from cancer, and although she was able to fight it for just under a year, it won the battle. ...

Help! I am a busy working mom and wife - how can I balance it all?

Another question from a reader. 

Stress and my Gyn history

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with an abnormal pap smear. My work life is very stressful. As you know, there is a constant struggle with trying to balance home life (with toddlers) and husband and I often wonder what my sleep deprivation and stress are mutating on a cellular level. What are some of your attempts to balance work and home life?

 

Dear Reader,

As a busy professional woman I find achieving work life balance is always a work in progress.  That being said I am always mindful of my goal.  Yes I need to continue to work to contribute to the finances of the household but I also need time for my children, my husband and myself.  There have been times in my career when I think all were cheated to some degree but I have always maintained the goal in mind.  This is what I have learnt.  Whenever possible find a work position that provides flexibility.  Sometimes the amount of work hours is not always the problem but the hours during which you have to deliver the work. For example if I am able to attend an important daytime activity at the children’s school they are more comfortable if I come home a little later in the evening.  At other times I will do a night shift so that I can be with them more in the day.  To be honest sometimes I may spend many of those hours in the bed resting if it has been a busy night but they know that they can easily find me if they need me.    I also use my resources to get help when needed.  I know that for example cleaning the house is not an activity I enjoy and that I am also very inefficient at it so for me it is more beneficial to work a few more hours in my career and hire someone to clean from time to time. This allows more of my home time to be spent in more relaxing activities.   I have certain times of day, which I deem family time when I try to unplug so that my attention is not divided between them and my cell phone.   I choose to exercise at home and to be honest my children look forward to me exercising to music videos in their presence. My husband and I try to go out alone at least once or twice per month or catch a movie at home after the children have gone to bed.   For my personal self-care in addition to attempting to eat a healthy diet and exercise I try to have a few minutes of quiet time each night, which I prefer to spend in reading, reflections and meditation specific to my faith.   I cannot pretend that I can do this every night but I am always mindful of the need to make it a priority so more often than not it is done.

Thank you so much for your question and I hope this helps.