I must confess I am following this entire season of The Bachelorette and I eagerly await the final episode to see whom Rachel Lindsey chooses. I am a big fan of how she has handled herself throughout her journey and I am really rooting for her and hoping that she will find lasting love through this process. I certainly believe that it is possible since at least one bachelorette did it before, Trista who is still married after more than 13 years and at least in the probing eyes of the media, her marriage is doing well.
The last two episodes provoked two questions that I will suggest an answer.
Rachel readily admitted that she was falling in love with multiple men at the same time. A hurt Dean wondered how she could genuinely say that she was falling in love with him and still let him go.
And the family questioning of Brian’s feelings about Rachel because they doubted he could have fallen in love so quickly.
The questions are can someone really fall in love with multiple men at the same time and can someone in this case Brian fall in love so quickly?
My answer to both is an absolute yes!
Have I been in love with more than one person at the same time well yes and no. I am absolutely in love with both my children and fortunately I don’t have to choose one over the other. However I had been in romantic love before I met my husband but I did not have the added pressure in having to have multiple concurrent relationships. If I was interested in more than one man at the same time, I would make a decision to choose one interest over the other perhaps prematurely. I was seldom in a position where that was necessary or required. But here is my advice, if you are looking to find the right man to be your husband and you happen to be in a position to have multiple suitors at the same time, do take your time to know each suitor well before you decide to be exclusive. I believe that a common mistake many women have made and one that I have made in my dating years is trying to commit to an exclusive relationship with a man before you are ready. A sad consequence of that is wasting time in a relationship with the wrong man and delaying your opportunity to meet and marry Mr. Right. If you have made this mistake in the past, don’t punish yourself but learn from it so you are ready for future opportunities. On the other hand I advise any currently married person to avoid exposing himself or herself to the risk of developing other love interest. Because, being in a relationship does not render someone immune to attraction, but what makes the difference is allowing that attraction to develop into an ongoing relationship. So if you find yourself being attracted to someone other than your mate in marriage, avoid an intimate friendship with that person because any relationship that you may have is certainly not worth jeopardizing your marriage.
On to the second point. While there is no way I can speak to Brian’s sincerity I do know that when writing my book “Please God Send Me A Husband” I certainly met women who told me that their husband had said that they had met their wife from the first meeting although it sometimes took months or years to materialize. I have also heard numerous examples of world wind dating that ended in a successful marriage. Some would put my relationship in the same category since my husband and I were engaged after seven months and married by eleven months and now more than ten years later the only thing I would have changed is having a few more bridesmaids in my wedding party.
So while I would understand skepticism from family and close friends if love is found quickly, I encourage you all to be open to the possibility but on the other hand despite the emotions of love that you may feel or hear from your suitor I will share some advice from one of the very wise married women who offered advice for single women for my book, “take your heart out of it and use your head