I have a number of people close to me who are actively job hunting so I am privy to some of the frustrations of the search, the multiple applications, the multiple interviews, the long wait for return calls, the uncertainty and the anxiety. Given my interest in giving dating advice to women and my own personal journey to finally meeting my husband, I could not help but notice the similarities. Multiple dates to find the right person, anxiety and uncertainty about when or if you would meet him, wondering if or when he will call again or if you should call again.
These are three lessons I learned from the dating game and job hunting and frankly you can use the advice interchangeably.
1. It may take a lot of applications to get to the right job. Similarly you may have to date a lot to find Mr. Right. Some of us are lucky in one sphere or the other. We end up being happily married after dating only one or a few men or we land a great job after only a few applications or interviews but for a lot of us, that’s just not the case. We can’t necessarily choose how quickly the right man or the right job will come along. While for both I believe it is essential to have a clear idea of what you want, it is also good to keep open to new possibilities as long as they do not compromise your core values.
2. Don’t wait around for them to call you back. So you had a great interview or a great date, you send a thank you email (text to your date), what’s next? Do you call again to follow up? I would say no for both. If the guy is interested he will call you and I believe it is exactly the same for the job. Personally I think calling could make you appear desperate for either and even if that’s how you may feel, they don’t need to know. Try to refocus your energies on finding new opportunities (new jobs to apply for or new men to date, which ever applies). This will at least provide some distraction in the meantime and if they never call back, hopefully you would have found what you were looking for so it would not matter.
3. If you get a good offer, don’t screw it up. I remember when I was negotiating for my first job my soon to be boss basically told me that I should not blow the job offer because of my negotiations. Now don’t get me wrong, I am certainly not suggesting you don’t negotiate for what you want but what I am saying is, if the terms are agreeable to you there is no need to make unreasonable demands. Relatively speaking that first job was one of the best paying jobs I have ever had and the schedule was more fair than many that I have had after that. Similarly if you like a guy and things are going well, don’t play games just for the heck of it. Go with the flow. I can say with a strong degree of certainly that if he is wrong for you, red flags will go off even if you choose to ignore them. But on the other hand don’t waste time worrying about insignificant details such as, for example, the way he pronounces his words. These things won’t matter at all in the long run but if you make it an issue you could turn him away.