When I was a little girl my favorite fairytale was Cinderella. I was totally sold on the prince finding his perfect girl and sweeping her off her feet. When I grew up Pretty Woman became one of my favorite movies because the girl was still swept off her feet by the “perfect” guy but she was not the perfect girl. She was still beautiful (Julia Roberts with her million dollar smile) but she had obvious flaws. Despite that, she still won the heart of the rich, successful, handsome “prince” (Richard Gere). When I think more about the movie he was no less flawed than she was (after all he was hiring a prostitute) and he had become financially successful by being a cutthroat businessman. However, in the world it was then and unfortunately still is today although to a lesser degree, the “sins” of a successful man, especially if he was financially successful were judged less harshly than those of a woman.
So figuratively speaking I wanted my prince to find me and sweep me off my feet. We would get married in a fairy tale wedding.
I wanted a man who would be considered handsome, not just by me but by the standards of many and I also thought at least initially that he would know all the right words and we would fall madly in love.
So when I saw my now husband for the first time I was immediately impressed by his handsome looks but when we had our first conversation his words didn’t sweep me off my feet. Fortunately I had matured enough and had enough life experiences by the time I met him to know that many of the men who tried to sweep you off your feet with great lines and overly romantic actions were often hollow inside and had only short term plans for you.
I was able to recognize that he was eager to spend time with me and I was able to allow him to show his actions, which without a doubt, proved to me that he was the right man. He showed me love, respect, consistency and commitment.
Now eleven years into our marriage, he is no more romantic than he ever was, he does not always think of the right words and we have had our share of stressors, disagreements and downright arguments. But my husband still treats me with love and respect. He is still consistent and he is still committed to me and now our family. He has also become my best friend.
So my marriage is no fairytale but it is one of the best versions of real life marriage I could ever hope for and I am confident it will only get better!
So if you are hoping to find your husband and have a fairytale marriage remember, fairy tales are where they belong, in fiction, and real marriages can be complicated, messy and require effort but I will share a promise made to me by my dear aunt. Although she was in remission from the cancer that ultimately killed her only months later and months earlier she had had to cancel a cruise celebrating forty years of marriage, she still had the optimism to say to her niece (me) a thirtysomething woman who was anxious about still being single and not finding Mr. Right, when you meet him “it will be sooo good!”